JURNAL SEDERHANA

 A FINE PARAGRAPH FOR ME. 

Hai... hm gue kaku banget nih udah lama ga nulis di blog, kalo gue liat lagi blog ini kayanya udah jarang gue buka ya karena kesibukan gue selama magang lumayan padet meskipun gue kadang gatau habisnya waktu gue tuh di sebelah mana. One day ada satu orang yang nanya sama gue...

"Kenapa lo suka nulis?"

Susah juga ya jawabnya, karena nulis ibarat obat kalo buat gue, nulis itu bukan artinya kita orang yang melankolis apalagi terkesan "lebay" no it was not the point of writing. Gue kadang masih nulis di media kertas, bukunya baru banget abis dan gue belum sempet cari buku baru. Wanted to make a junk journal later hopefully! Bahkan notes hp gue kayanya penuh sama potongan-potongan kalimat yg gue bikin tanpa sadar kalo lagi mood, entah itu lagi naik kereta, jalan kaki, bahkan kadang bangun tidur. Lucu juga yah gimana caranya menulis itu bikin kita sembuh, bikin kita lega, terlepas dari huru hara pertanyaan yg berkecamuk di dalam otak. Anyways, internship going well, and smooth. What was not smooth is only me I guess, sometimes we all are looks okay but no one knows what things that happened during our days. Oh iya, gue lagi seneng banget nih buat jalan kaki ke tempat-tempat yang belum pernah gue liat (yep that's because I can not mastering how to remember the road?) Itu bukan tujuan utama sebenernya buat inget jalan, tapi it was totally my desire to know about the history behind places and buildings. Maybe with kinda things I can remember the road hehe. Selain itu, jalan kaki bikin gue nyaman sama diri gue sendiri gue bisa bebas mikirin apa aja, gue bisa berhenti di mana aja, ngobrol sama siapa aja dan gue bisa minum kopi yg gue pengen. Is it something weird? Or "norak?" I don't care, but because I'm happy to do that. I'll do what makes me happy. Typically talking about me, ain't a thinker person.

Alright, selain di sini.. gue banyak nulis juga di second account instagram. Yep, I write about the places that I was visited on my bucket list. It was fun and relaxing, but sorry I'm not sharing it with so many people either my friends that I know. I just shared it with some of my closest friends. I'm being private there, the place to share my thoughts, my feels, my vibes, and some pieces of stuff. How to become a special person and an extraordinary person is, be different. Be who you wanted to be, you have a generous mindset, wide open, and for me, someone's become special is because they know how to speak wisely, open any advice around, filling each other glass. 

Guys, this is my last semester as I told you in my last story before this one. I told you about the struggling time before the internship comes, and the confusion between the same thing over and over again. I currently arrange my Tugas Akhir and yeah congratulations because I have passed the first month of internship. I meet so many amazing people at the office, they all so humble, wise, and sometimes they behave like our parents there. It feels like we have another dad and mom also siblings. These past two weeks I spent most of my day in front of my laptop, but I don't know where to begin? I think I have to refresh my mind, going somewhere should I? A small coffee shop and a cup of coffee also one slice of a sweet cake it's a totally perfect combination. Wait, play your favorite music playlist it's gonna be your best day ever. Suasana kalo lagi tenang itu harus dinikmatin, tanpa ada gangguan, dan yeah just enjoy the vibes that's all. 

The picture was taken when I was completely messed up and go home, I lost. 

So, here comes the time when I have to go through the hardest time by myself. Only me, isn't it? Struggling with everything that I wanted. If I got bleeding someone will help me with something left on his arms. Hope it can heal me as soon as possible, a friend of mine said "The person that makes you smile will be the same person that makes you cry" When someone cares a lot about you when someone trust you the most when someone put yourself as their number one before theirs. What you gonna do about that? Imagine that, you bring some rose all over the world to compared and search for the best rose ever, but you fail. But at the end of the story, you just realize that you already have the best rose inside your hands all this time. Every time I am looking for reality, being appreciated by someone else by my presence. Is there anyone feels so lucky because they have me? Or is it just me that expecting too much for being wanted? Many times I'm hiding my worries in front of someone, being okay all the time, and pretending that I was strong for this in fact is ain't. Just enjoy my feels like a human being, when I sad I feel it when I happy I feel it too, I got scared with a blurry decision. I got numb, I got insane, I am desperately lost. Want to stop lying to myself and clearly honest. 

Hai Lu, hope you can still sail the sea and the waves till' the end.

Love yourself as much as you love others. 

Give yourself a try as much as you give the others.

Look out for yourself as much as you look out for others. 

Feel it, where is your happiness in life?

Don't hurt yourself. Just don't.. at least for your parents. 

Will I ever be enough? 

You will find the way, it is not just the right time. 

No one is ever too busy to make time for you. The sad truth is they're either seeing someone else, or they just don't care, and not that into you. That's all.