A Slice Of Bread

Wake up by 6:30am while seeing my phone ringing so loud, and I am shocked by what was happened in my dreams, pretty much I can not remember it vividly. I see somewhere I am standing, and joining a small ceremony. But, what it is? I do not know either I could not remember any single story. Weird, it's so weird but I wake up sweaty and so hot, my air conditioning is stand by on 20 degree.  Last day on vacation time, today is Wednesday. We got to go back to work tomorrow, and yeah I am ready to rock my Thursday. Wow, I read a lot, I write a lot, drafting a lot, and watch some YT videos that causing me types "Jazz while reading" or "Library and writing letters" or "Rain outside and you wait a train" what an indie person. Is fun tho! Realizing that time is slowing down here, or the world just keep turning slowly?  Snatch me out! Raining outside all day long since last night, I have one appointment to grab some coffee, and by 7pm I got to see the doctor, tru...

Semarang, 23rd January 2025 Probably I was on the train heading from town to town yesterday, having lunch and dinner in somewhere. But my mind still rounding there, on the last room I attend, the feeling? Yes, I still there stood still in the room full of good memories. Last night I am thinking about this title, letter that I wanted to write, I am sit in front of the huge mirror in the Hotel Room I stayed. Reading some books, and do small meeting even I know my brain was not there.  The last two chapters in past six month. I held a champagne problem on June 2024, when we met in Bandung we talked about our journey you told me the girl will marriage soon or later. You asked me to forgive and forget the story between you and the girl. You know what's hard? You do it nearby your house, you cross the line. The most dangerous line, once I thought it will not ever crossed again. But it is. I know how long the path is crossing between you and her, would everything will be different today?...

Dear god, never have I ever imagined I want to meet you right away in middle of the night. I am happy to hear Ylang Ylang by FKJ playing on my laptop. Dear god can I ask you a question to show me the way and help me out like FKJ found his soul.  God, let me bothering you with my thoughts, let me suffer through every conditions that I deserved in this world. God I make a messy situations along the line. Let me gone through the surface and live something between the line.  What do I live in here, in this world?  Why do I still here? While makes someone disappointed and really falling down the line? I do not know what does he thinks right now about me, and what does he has inside his mind. I make every people that close with me run away from me. I decide too fast, I decide in rush, I decide in selfish, I decide in cruel, I decide in bias, I decide with only the "I" point of view. How dare I am too close to step upon your destiny?  Let me deliver something that he has to...

I come home and sit back to the bed that seems like says "Ah there you are!" a lot things happen for this past 3 months, sometimes is just bubbling on my head and I just can't help it. I speak to my friend the one that know myself better about my dreams. Virtually I never met him, just ocasionally I met in a small cafe talking about what we want in the future especially about education. Marriage? Marriage is not something that I am looking for right now. Is not my big deal in my 25, oh god why do I love this track so much. I play FKJ 10 years ago, feels like I am coming to my hometown and sit on my favorite desk in my cozy bedroom. I wish I can see FKJ concert again, I miss him a lot, I miss the vibes, the people around, all the track and everything. Back to reality, I'm staying in my small room here in Jakarta. Last year I earned so much, I have so much opportunity that takes me into something bigger. Thank you god, thank you for showing me that dreams are still aliv...